I am currently reading a book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell called the 5 Love Languages of Children. What an amazing realization this book has brought me to. You know, we can't function in a fully engaged way if our 'love tanks' are not full....so how do we do that. It is not as easy as pulling up to the gas pump, swiping our credit card and dispensing fuel into our tank....darn. We need to discover what 'fills' our love tank. More than that in order to have healthy, fully mature relationships it is important for us to realize what 'fills' our loved ones 'love tanks'.
So, what are our options? Well, according to the 5 Languages...our choices are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service. Each is so different and so are each of the important relationships we have in our lives. Some may respond so positively to receiving a gift, say from when you were out of town or on vacation....another may be 'filled' more by hearing about the trip rather than receiving a gift. So the first's love tank is filled by Gifts, while the second is filled by Quality Time.
Then comes the all fearful Anger and Love...really does not make sense...but these two emotions have a very close relationship and if dealt with in a healthy way can be constructive, not destructive. The most important part about anger and love, is to enter into the anger with an 'awareness'. We ALL get angry... that is part of human nature. But entering into that emotional place being AWARE that we are angry and then allowing the process to be more intentional than just a reaction can actually be very constructive and allow the release of some very destructive energy vs holding the emotions inside.
So many times we get angry about something that happens, or something that is said, or that 'look' that we get from a loved one....and what do we do....storm around, don't talk, avoid the confrontation with that loved one.
I can't tell you how many times I have gotten a 'look' from a loved one and thought "What does THAT mean?"....but do I ask that question...usually not...I usually get angry about the look and pout myself....so, let me think, he/she is pouting and so am I................OK then ...that is productive. Good Job on both of our parts!! I actually was not going to go to the angry thing when I started this post...but I am glad I did because I have practiced approaching (rationally) issues of concern (the look, a behavior) and really with sincere concern asked the person about the look, action, behavior...and I can tell you that not 100% of the time...but most of the time the person is more than willing to discuss and we are both able to release the anger and move forward. Does it ever happen again? Absolutely, but our tanks have been filled before and we know that we can take the pump out and fill the tank up again with discussion and understanding.
Also, be aware that you may approach someone and give the attempt to rationally discuss something that you don't agree on only to discover that the person that the anger is being shared with is NOT open to discuss...well, that is only something that you have to release and move on...because we cannot make someone understand or listen...we can only say what makes sense to us and then the processing from the other person is their dealio....it is hard to not feel accepted....difficult to realize that the person in that relationship won't give the effort to work through your differences...but in their defense...it might just not be their time to face the anger....not their time to realize what your relationship together has to offer. Be patient...things will eventually come together...don't give up....don't stop loving....know that there is a power greater that can work wonders....just keep loving. :)
So, I am not sure if this makes sense or helps anyone....but I can assure you that Silence is not one of the things that fills your Love Tank.....AND I highly recommend the 5 Love Languages (which by the way has an adult version too)....love to you all....and remember to talk about what makes you feel good...watch the people in your life you care about....ask them what makes them feel good....it is probably not the same as what makes you feel loved...we are all different...that is what makes us fall in love to begin with.
I would love to hear your comments...what fills your love tank??
So, what are our options? Well, according to the 5 Languages...our choices are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service. Each is so different and so are each of the important relationships we have in our lives. Some may respond so positively to receiving a gift, say from when you were out of town or on vacation....another may be 'filled' more by hearing about the trip rather than receiving a gift. So the first's love tank is filled by Gifts, while the second is filled by Quality Time.
Then comes the all fearful Anger and Love...really does not make sense...but these two emotions have a very close relationship and if dealt with in a healthy way can be constructive, not destructive. The most important part about anger and love, is to enter into the anger with an 'awareness'. We ALL get angry... that is part of human nature. But entering into that emotional place being AWARE that we are angry and then allowing the process to be more intentional than just a reaction can actually be very constructive and allow the release of some very destructive energy vs holding the emotions inside.
So many times we get angry about something that happens, or something that is said, or that 'look' that we get from a loved one....and what do we do....storm around, don't talk, avoid the confrontation with that loved one.
I can't tell you how many times I have gotten a 'look' from a loved one and thought "What does THAT mean?"....but do I ask that question...usually not...I usually get angry about the look and pout myself....so, let me think, he/she is pouting and so am I................OK then ...that is productive. Good Job on both of our parts!! I actually was not going to go to the angry thing when I started this post...but I am glad I did because I have practiced approaching (rationally) issues of concern (the look, a behavior) and really with sincere concern asked the person about the look, action, behavior...and I can tell you that not 100% of the time...but most of the time the person is more than willing to discuss and we are both able to release the anger and move forward. Does it ever happen again? Absolutely, but our tanks have been filled before and we know that we can take the pump out and fill the tank up again with discussion and understanding.
Also, be aware that you may approach someone and give the attempt to rationally discuss something that you don't agree on only to discover that the person that the anger is being shared with is NOT open to discuss...well, that is only something that you have to release and move on...because we cannot make someone understand or listen...we can only say what makes sense to us and then the processing from the other person is their dealio....it is hard to not feel accepted....difficult to realize that the person in that relationship won't give the effort to work through your differences...but in their defense...it might just not be their time to face the anger....not their time to realize what your relationship together has to offer. Be patient...things will eventually come together...don't give up....don't stop loving....know that there is a power greater that can work wonders....just keep loving. :)
So, I am not sure if this makes sense or helps anyone....but I can assure you that Silence is not one of the things that fills your Love Tank.....AND I highly recommend the 5 Love Languages (which by the way has an adult version too)....love to you all....and remember to talk about what makes you feel good...watch the people in your life you care about....ask them what makes them feel good....it is probably not the same as what makes you feel loved...we are all different...that is what makes us fall in love to begin with.
I would love to hear your comments...what fills your love tank??
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