There are No Mistakes!!!

Let's consider all the different ways to experience life.  Now how can there be mistakes when you look at life as different experiences.  Some experiences may be more appealing than others...but labeling experiences as mistakes allows them to take on a negative feeling and thus begins the cycle of feeling negative about yourself and how you operate in life.  There are so many amazing ways to see things...some are more colorful and full of life than others...but we are always at different places...and always experiencing different emotions.  So an interpretation of an experience today may seem totally different tomorrow.  We have all experienced that right?  "Sleep on it"...you will feel different in the morning ....and almost 100% of the time we do feel differently when some 'space' is put between the experience and our reaction!

Learn from every experience....forget about labeling it as a success or mistake...take each experience, every day for every reason as a way to establish a better relationship with yourself....enjoy the ride of life.  Becoming AWARE of each and every action, reaction....every little detail you experience will make you appreciate the next experience EVEN more!

Insert a New Behavior....

I went to an amazing seminar yesterday put on by the Institute for Brain Potential..."Listening to the Body". Amazing concept, yes?  Seems that if we would slow down enough to actually allow ourselves to hear, feel, comprehend what our bodies are 'telling' us we could avoid some of the big stuff that sneaks up and kicks our butts!!! Is is really that easy?  Well, it has proven to be that easy...but the art of listening to our body in itself can get tricky..why is that?

We are all so darn involved in everything...our business, their business, everyone's business.  We humans have an issue with control.  Felling that it is OUR responsibility to make sure everyone is holding up THEIR end of being responsible...and it really does not matter what subject we are talking...it can be anything...keeping the house picked up, raising the kids, getting groceries, fixing meals, meeting the deadline for a new project at work, yada yada yada....just fill in the blank.  We continue to put so much pressure on ourselves to make everything perfect (which of course is only a label...cause what is really perfect??).

Our bodies are put under constant threat when we go to the emotional responses that have become habits. When something happens in our daily lives...we automatically go to the "what just happened?" response.. our heart rate rises, our breath changes, we may become flushed, feel warm all over...so on and so on.  What do we do about all of this?  We go full force on ourselves to 'change' the response....start to breathe slower...learn techniques to change that response.  Well, interestingly, that push to change can actually put more stress on us!!!  YIKES....what the heck?!?!?!

What about something called Feed Forward....so instead of punishing and pushing to change an old response....insert a new behavior...hmmmmm.  So when you find yourself starting to go to a stress response as your default...something that usually upsets you and you usually react in an emotionally upsetting way...insert an alternative behavior that will allow you to gently nudge the old response in a different more responsibly positive reaction.  The whole thing is BEING AWARE of where your body responses are going...identify what stresses you, acknowledge them, give yourself permission to be stressed, allow another response to enter into the situation, while not punishing yourself and pushing to
CHANGE the old response, something that is probably pretty darn deeply set in you....give yourself an additional more relaxed response.  Chances are as you continue to grow with this new practice of Feed Forward your body will begin to respond in a positive way.  You may think "Hmmmm, I like this response better!"

So....let's say Phone Rings (which is a stress trigger for you)...

Current Response....Oh no, I wonder who that is.  What do they want? How is this call going to play out? I wonder if they will ask 'this' or maybe 'that'?   (heart rate increases...palms get sweaty as you reach for the ringing phone)...ok...so now let the phone ring a couple more times so you can..


Insert New Behavior...Yep, my heart rate is increasing...palms a little moist ...I am going to take a deep breath, visualize that relaxed time when (insert a time that you were so relaxed) ....AND

Back to Current Situation...Answer the phone.

Now, of course, this takes some rehearsal, and maybe some assistance from a coach, therapist etc, but it can really change what your body goes through at the moment of stress.  We acknowledge the fight or flight response and insert a more rational healthy response.  We cannot predict how something is going to happen...so don't!!

People, I am tellin' ya'....we need to learn techniques to force us to become aware of what our bodies are saying to us...LISTEN.

What fills your tank??

I am currently reading a book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell called the 5 Love Languages of Children.  What an amazing realization this book has brought me to.  You know, we can't function in a fully engaged way if our 'love tanks' are not full....so how do we do that.  It is not as easy as pulling up to the gas pump, swiping our credit card and dispensing fuel into our tank....darn.  We need to discover what 'fills' our love tank.  More than that in order to have healthy, fully mature relationships it is important for us to realize what 'fills' our loved ones 'love tanks'.

So, what are our options?  Well, according to the 5 Languages...our choices are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service.  Each is so different and so are each of the important relationships we have in our lives.  Some may respond so positively to receiving a gift, say from when you were out of town or on vacation....another may be 'filled' more by hearing about the trip rather than receiving a gift.  So the first's love tank is filled by Gifts, while the second is filled by Quality Time.

Then comes the all fearful Anger and Love...really does not make sense...but these two emotions have a very close relationship and if dealt with in a healthy way can be constructive, not destructive.  The most important part about anger and love, is to enter into the anger with an 'awareness'.  We ALL get angry... that is part of human nature.  But entering into that emotional place being AWARE that we are angry and then allowing the process to be more intentional than just a reaction can actually be very constructive and allow the release of some very destructive energy vs holding the emotions inside.

So many times we get angry about something that happens, or something that is said, or that 'look' that we get from a loved one....and what do we do....storm around, don't talk, avoid the confrontation with that loved one.

I can't tell you how many times I have gotten a 'look' from a loved one and thought "What does THAT mean?"....but do I ask that question...usually not...I usually get angry about the look and pout myself....so, let me think, he/she is pouting and so am I................OK then ...that is productive.  Good Job on both of our parts!!  I actually was not going to go to the angry thing when I started this post...but I am glad I did because I have practiced approaching (rationally) issues of concern (the look, a behavior) and really with sincere concern asked the person about the look, action, behavior...and I can tell you that not 100% of the time...but most of the time the person is more than willing to discuss and we are both able to release the anger and move forward.  Does it ever happen again?  Absolutely, but our tanks have been filled before and we know that we can take the pump out and fill the tank up again with discussion and understanding.

Also, be aware that you may approach someone and give the attempt to rationally discuss something that you don't agree on only to discover that the person that the anger is being shared with is NOT open to discuss...well, that is only something that you have to release and move on...because we cannot make someone understand or listen...we can only say what makes sense to us and then the processing from the other person is their dealio....it is hard to not feel accepted....difficult to realize that the person in that relationship won't give the effort to work through your differences...but in their defense...it might just not be their time to face the anger....not their time to realize what your relationship together has to offer.  Be patient...things will eventually come together...don't give up....don't stop loving....know that there is a power greater that can work wonders....just keep loving.  :)

So, I am not sure if this makes sense or helps anyone....but I can assure you that Silence is not one of the things that fills your Love Tank.....AND I highly recommend the 5 Love Languages (which by the way has an adult version too)....love to you all....and remember to talk about what makes you feel good...watch the people in your life you care about....ask them what makes them feel good....it is probably not the same as what makes you feel loved...we are all different...that is what makes us fall in love to begin with.

I would love to hear your comments...what fills your love tank??

What is Catabolic Energy?

2012...a New Year!!  Happy New Year to all of you!  Make this year the year where you work diligently on removing all the Catabolic Energy from your life.  So....what is Catabolic Energy???  Well, it is any feeling you get in your 'gut' that just does not feel right.  The way you feel when you enter into a room that is full of people complaining about what they have going on in their lives...what is going 'wrong'....that is catabolic energy....that heavy feeling in a room full of negative talk.  When you enter into a conversation like this...you need to feel the yearning to find out "What is going right in your life?"....try asking yourself that question when things seem to be all gone bad.....OK...WHAT IS GOING RIGHT?...it may seem very difficult to come up with an answer...but even if you have to go to "I have air to breath"...that is a positive.  The more we practice seeing what is right....the more right we will experience...merely because we are not giving what may be less than optimal our focused attention.............learn to focus on the right stuff.  Catabolic energy is feeling sorry for yourself....blaming someone else for what is less than what we want.  There is no perfect..but I promise you can realize a great deal of change by focusing on the positive...what is going right..rather than always picking out the less than optimal parts of a situation.  Love this message?  Take the E-Factor assessment, an amazing tool to determine what level of energy you are living at.  Post a comment if you are interested in taking this assessment....it is truly eye opening and life changing!!

Peace to you all, Bobbi